It’s been raining lately here… feeling tired and all…. but just thought of sharing this one song… it’s so meaningful.. so do enjoy..

This is “Save Me From Myself” – Christina Aguilera

It’s not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything’s changing
But you’re the truth
I’m amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

And when I’m about to fall
Somehow you’re always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You’re gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You’re gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you’ve got that royal flush
I know it’s crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky,but you never turn away

Don’t ask me why I’m crying
‘Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You’re gonna save me from myself

I know it’s hard, it’s hard
But you’ve broken all my walls
You’ve been my strength, so strong
And don’t ask me why I love you

It’s obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You’re gonna save me from myself

For the last few days.. I’ve been receiving sms-es from a guy I’ve known back in Malaysia. He’s been asking me on things but was never entertained. And lately one of my ex-es would chat with me sometimes on msn. He would talk about the times we had before.. I was able to just listen to what he had to say because to me what’s past is past. Besides we’re still friends.I have long closed that ‘chapter’ in life and they are chapters that I will never open up n look back at all. This topic raised up because me and my roommate had a talk about our previous relationships last night. So this just occurred.. To all the relationships I’ve been in before.. it would be a lie to say that I have no regrets at all because the relationships had taught me a lot till date. Well yes, there are times when I hope that things didn’t have to happen that way…how feelings didn’t have to hurt that bad..and that it didn’t have to end the way it did but I guess that’s life…

Do enjoy this song… ‘Used to Love You‘ by John Legend

Maybe, it’s me, maybe I bore you
But no no, it’s my fault,’cause I can’t afford you
Maybe baby, Puffy,Jay-z
would all be better for you
‘Cause all I can do is love you

Baby when I used to love you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
I went through the fire for you, anything you asked me to
But I’m tired of livin this lie
It’s getting harder to justify
Realized that I just don’t love you
Not like I used to

Holla Holla Holla
Holla Holla Holla

Maybe, I should rob somebody
So we could, live like Whitney and Bobby
It’s probably my fault, my bad, my loss
But you are, above cost
‘Cause all I could do was love you

Baby when I used to love you, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
I went through the fire for you, anything you asked me to
But i’m tired of living this lie
It’s getting harder to justify
Realized that I just don’t love you
Not like I used to

Holla Holla Holla
Holla Holla Holla

Do you remember when I used to love you
Baby no not any more,(I don’t)love you
Ooohhhh, I love you
And you’re gonna miss me now(Yeaaaah)

Baby when I used to love you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
I went through the fire for you, and i’m not gonna play the fool
No I can’t live this lie, and I can’t justify, and I can’t make you my wife
’cause I don’t love you
Not like I used to do

Holla Holla Holla
(Not like i used to)
Holla Holla Holla
(Not like i used to)

Oh I used to love you(Used to love u)

Oh but I don’t love you(No not any more)

Oh I used to love you(Used to love u)

Oh but I don’t love you(I bet you miss me now)

Oh I used to love you(You’re gonna miss me now)

Oh but I don’t love you(I bet you miss me now)

Oh… I lost another post because of the bloody internet connection.. but its okay… I’m really great at just leaving my anger just like that nowadays. Just throw a tantrum then smile. Good at that. Anyway this week has been a hectic one for me. I just finished a group discussion wit the lecturer one one subject..Gonna have 1 group meeting in half and hours time… then 1 more after an hour….then one more at 8.30 tonight..Need to start to do our presentations… my own individual reports… need to start reading for the exams… and all this happening in the next 2-4 weeks. Hmm… I used to think that in KK i had too much time I didn’t know what to do back then..just had fun with friends.. now… I feel as though I dun have enough time… as silly as it sounds… I wish there’s more than 24 hours here per day. Silly right?

By the way, to my family members, I didn’t mean to make u guys worried for the past few days. I just needed some time off. I apologize for my wrong doings and don’t worry about me. I will be fine here.. Love you

Love all of you…and to the girls…. I’m missing u guys…

Me, MeiHsing & Reynie during Reynie’s belated birthday celebration at shenny

Me, Rezan The Godfather(LOLZ) & Reynie

The ‘Controversial’ Pic….Ain’t no lesbo k

I am not in a good state right now. I just had to say few things out and yet I don’t know how to put my different kinds of emotions into words. There’s so much bothering me here… Too much emotions involved… to much workload… too much crisis.. And they’re all hitting me at this very moment.

Well… I would like to talk about what’s really going on with me now but I don’t know how to put them in words… this following video… How the girl acts… that blankness on her face.. how she cries so ‘painfully’….thats what i am now…seriously.. thats what i am now…

I just had a ‘nasty’ discussion with the girls in my.. I don’t know how should I put it.. Ex-group or current group? sigh.. I have so many things to worry about.. and yet this thing is giving me more problems. WHY…WHY ME… Sometimes I really wish I could just say…the simplest word ‘ NO ‘ to people… I really wish so…

Feeling down now…. just…enjoy this song… Mungkin – By Anuar Zain
Biarkanlah saja diriku sendirian tanpamu
Biarkanlah saja diriku sepi tanpa kata
Bukan maksud untuk membisu
Sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian

(chorus)
Mungkinkan bersama
Dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati(nan suci)
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terubat jua akhirnya

Biarkanlah saja diriku
Sendirian tanpamu
Terpisahnya kita kerana
Mengejar impian

(chorus)

Mungkinkan bersama
Dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati(nan suci)
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terubat jua akhirnya
Hanya satu pintaku
Sabarlah menanti
Ku kan pulang bersama cinta

Hey people… since I wrote a bloody damn long post the other day and because of the *@&#^&@#^ internet connection here, I lost the post just like that.. For now I’m still reluctant to write my blog in order to express my feelings…

Anyhow… Here am gonna post up few pictures taken… so..just updating to people that cares..

This is Me & Geehee..In the train going down to Montreux

The train that we have to take to go to Montreux. Kampung style eh. LOLZ

Ate this in the mall.Sat by the chair and jst ate ice-cream. I had 2 men and 1 group of ppl saying ‘Bon-Appetit!’ (i think they hairan why our faces mcm kesyokan eating ice-cream there..hmmm)

GeeHee & I eating chocolate ice-cream. lol craving for choco

ok. S-S moment

She likes doing this ’side-view- pose. LOLZ

My pooh from back home. miss home~~

HAHA… Don’t know what’s the point here..

These few days I have been emotionally unstable..that explains why I haven’t written for few days now… Another reason for not writing was that few days back I actually wrote a really long post n then it just disappeared so that really ticked me off..Anyway am feeling better right now…. emotionally and physically sick and tired though… Was listening to ‘Patience’ by Guns n Roses when i came across this video…reminded me of Reynie singing it in Cempaka..when everybody had left the place and it was only the 2 of us..sitting there..drinking and layan-ing stress….I remember well…reynie didnt have her voice back then… but she still forced herself to sing this… missing u girl…so much… So here it is… ‘Don’t Cry’ by Guns n Roses

Don’t you cry tonight Elaine…
Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don’t hang your head in sorrow
And please don’t cry
I know how you feel inside I’ve
I’ve been there before
Somethin is changin’ inside you
And don’t you know

Don’t you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don’t you cry tonight
Don’t you cry tonight
There’s a heaven above you baby
And don’t you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sign
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don’t you take it so hard now
And please don’t take it so bad
I’ll still be thinkin’ of you
And the times we had…baby

And don’t you cry tonight
Don’t you cry tonight
Don’t you cry tonight
There’s a heaven above you baby
And don’t you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you’ll be alright now sugar
You’ll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don’t you cry tonight
And don’t you cry tonight
And don’t you cry tonight
There’s a heaven above you baby
And don’t you cry
Don’t you ever cry
Don’t you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don’t you cry
Don’t you ever cry
Don’t you cry tonight

Most of the things here are basically killing me. I mean getting to know more friends that’s the good side of it. But these enormous load of presentations, reports, presentations, reports, presentations, reports…OMG!!!! somebody shoot me on the head!!! seriously! Everyday I wake up…(feeling cold n hoping that I wouldn’t have to get out of bed but I’ve got to )..  just keep telling myself…I am doing this for myself.. for my family and for everyone else that has high hopes on me.. so I am doing this. besides it’s going to be few months away.. I just gotta take it in… FINE!

What’s bothering me now is this internship thingy. Every student has to complete 2 internships before going for 3rd year.. and since I’m a 3rd year direct entry student.. I would need to complete one more internship, as I have done my 1st internship back in KK. Now we have the options to choose where we want to do our internship. For 1st year and 2nd year students, it is advisable to do at least one of their internship in Switzerland. (u get to choose either u wanna work in the german-speaking area or the french-speaking area or Internationally)… and as for me.. I am a 3rd year student..my choice would be to do it Internationally (which means anywhere in the world).

My 1st thought was the UK since I’ve got relatives there. I think for me to work in somewhere new.. I could adapt to the new environment with the help of my family around me. I remember the 1st week here alone was devastating.. Yes i know.. If i were to live in somewhere new,I have to stand on my own 2 feet.. and not because I have relatives there or what… yea I know that for a fact..family’s been saying that… But why can’t I do my internship where I’ve got my relatives around me…then I wont feel so alone and I’d be able to complete my internship.. then after I’ve graduated.. I will learn to live by myself somewhere else and work!!!! WHY CANT IT BE THAT WAY!?!?!?!?!? WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Yes of course I would want to do my internship in Switzerland.. that would broaden my experience and as everybody would say it…it’s recognized all over the world. But I am bothered by the fact that in order to survive here…the language barrier is something I cannot take lightly of. Yes yes, I have French class and all… but…sigh..  sometimes..I wish somebody would understand exactly what is going through my mind.. and how I wish most of the times… I am able to speak my mind out.. like really just say it out.. but i couldn’t… so tough luck Elaine! there you go!

It’s Monday today and it’s the only day of the week where my 1st class starts at 10am. Thought i could get some good sleep since I slept late last night figuring out how to do my research and reporting, but I was awaken by Cindy’s call before 7am…I was asked to video conference wit my uncle and dad… So i got up… brushed my teeth,washed my face,combed my hair… n wore my uniform since on weekdays,uniforms have to be worn at all times. Why isn’t there internet connection in the rooms in this school?!???@ WHY!?!?!?!?!? argh!!!@!@!@!@! Each time i wanna go online I would have to go to places with wi-fi connection… WHY?!?!?!?! arghghghghghghghg!!!! So i had a talk regarding my internship wit my uncle. Remember when I said sometimes I wish I can say out what I’m thinking inside the right way? how i really wish for that.. but somehow… what I said came out wrongly i think..and my uncle took my words differently… He’s thinking that the reason I chose UK is because I have relatives there…so in the future..If i were to work elsewhere.. Does that mean I am only going to places that I have my relatives in? NO!!!!!  That’s not what i meant… sigh… I just meant that for these short 4-6 months.. I would like to complete my internship with family around me so life would be easier..then wherever I go after that.. I am sure I will work it out myself… the thing about me not wanting to stay in Switzerland to do my internship… Firstly its the language barrier…it seriously is… its the language…… yea they say people speak English in hotels as well.. (that’s crap! ) most people don’t speak english here!… me getting reload coupon at some shops.. I need to use real broken english and hand gestures….and finally getting the wrong coupons that cost me a lot. sigh..

Anyhow.. after attending my 1st class… and having talked to my uncle thoroughly after that…I accepted the fact that it’s better for me to stay in Switzerland to complete my internship. It would be better for my future qualification and stuff. Well for these few months I need to really learn French well…not an easy language to learn…arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! So if that means I need to live alone in Geneva…and complete my internship… be it then…

I just hope I don’t end up like a student here who came back for her 2nd year but failed her 1st internship because she quit the job. Language barrier maybe? or simply pure stress? well…pray for me that I don’t fail my studies… pray that I don’t fail my internship…and do pray that I’ll be strong all the way. To anybody who is reading this. Thanks.

Btw, this post has no intentions of saying that I am right… or I am wrong or whatsoever.. I am just feeling upset towards myself.. and upset towards the condition that I am going through. I just needed to let out my emotions. so… just.. bear with me…

Just love this guy.. He’s got a nice voice…John Legend..tried to get the original video but cant….this song here is called Ordinary People… very meaningful lyrics… Am gonna post another song by him soon…for now.. enjoy this…

Girl im in love with you
This ain’t the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we’ll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow

This ain’t a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya’ll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it’s heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it’s not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we’ll live and learn
Maybe we’ll crash and burn
Maybe you’ll stay, maybe you’ll leave,
maybe you’ll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won’t survive
But maybe we’ll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow

I’m missing everybody back home… (so what’s new right?) and there are tons & tons of pictures in my camera that I never got to share with u guys… anyhow…here are some pictures taken before I left KK… so do enjoy..

The girls acting ‘getek-ly’ during the the Outdoor Photosession lolz

I know this picture rosak..over exposure..but i like it. Memeng & Ben!

Sis buddy, Mirror MeiHsing, Me & Nak Chelsy..

Susan & I

My madu, Alicia~

Luke, Me & Cai at Cempaka.. (cai is forever with dat ‘gangsta’ look huhuhu)

Me & Mandy..also at Cempaka..

posted this up coz i know my gfs are crazy over monkeys.lolz this is me wit Britney (luke’s monkeyy)

Redge & Cai.. ( wow cai is actually smiling! )

My farewell party at home. Here r the Limadanglians…

Here are my crazy drinker-friends…

Here are my niece’s bf and the gang..

John, Shirly (partner-in-crime a.k.a ali), Andrew & Paul

Ahfad’s friends and fad himself, Ben and Bryan-3 hours)

muaks muaks muaks… my friends back homeeee

Noel’s bday was celebrated together wit my farewell. But is AhFad one of the kids?

Me, Nikita ( if im not mistaken) and my good & crazy friend, Vaneesa

Kerbau, Me & ChenKoh (Used to b partners in CNN lol)

Cindy & Celest ( what’s up wit d face cindy? lolz ) i like this picture

Bryan, Junior, Redge, Me, Boone and Emma

Mark and Jot ( ruth’s bf) met him for the 1st time….a VERY FUNNY GUY!!!! very funny.. if only ruth had brought him out earlier on all the outings..

taken on my cousin’s wedding. 1 day before I left.. I cudnt resist the baby… way too cute!

Celest, Me, Anne’s baby & Cindy

my cousin’s wedding. Phyllis and Cris

Cris, Phyllis, Me and Cindy (cris was already drunk but masih kena tubah by my cousins. aftr this picture.. he kept talking to me for like 10 minutes..isteri tarik jln pun still talking haha… wishing me well for my future.. thanks Cris! )