I had an exam early this morning. Do you guys know the feeling of going completely disappointed over yourself and really upset over things? You know you have studied hard for it, the questions were easy, you know you have the answers in your head, but out of being panic, you totally blanked out? let me spell it out, B-L-A-N-K-E-D out.. well that’s what happened to me this morning, I am really upset of myself. After the exam, was supposed to meet my group to practice for tomorrow’s exam presentation, and I was supposed to finish up my report today. But what happened in the exam really spoiled my mood. I went back to the room, and broke down. Really had a bad emotional breakdown.. think these few weeks has totally overwhelmed me..physically and especially emotionally… I think I’m gonna fail this paper big time. Made me think of me, disappointing people around me who cares… especially my family… for now.. I’m lost…

Listen to the song.. for any of you who are mentally down, listen to this song… it keeps you going… The singer sounds so sad, lets you know that you’re not the only one in a bad condition, there are other people in worse conditions. Example is this singer. ok I made a joke. HA-HA

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so fucking special
But I ‘m a creep
I ‘m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I’m not around
You’re so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

She’s running out again
She’s running out
She run, run, run run
Run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here.

It’s supposed to be Spring season now but I don’t know what’s up with the weird weather.. It has been snowing for the past few days… the first few days were terrible… super duper heavy snow… sh*t. These few days have been crazy.. I never thought I would use the term ‘jam-packed’ on myself.. but hey…. Am bloody jam-packed la wei! ( slang by Adamz & Reynie).. I am laughing right now… I don’t know why… I noticed its because I am OVER-STRESSED that I am laughing everything off.. Had few exams…presentations….and I am to finish up on few reports… and next week is EXAM WEEK. sigh… Elaine..Chill… huhuhuhuhuhuhu

Anyway..enjoy the pictures… Just showing how terrible the snow is… When I went down to town the other day…It was snowing heavily by the time we reached back… had to run under the bad snow…lol but managed to take pictures. S-S..had a l’il snow ball fight with JiHee & PuiLee the day before… so just enjoy the pictures yea..

Took this from inside my room. Couldn’t see a single thing outside! bad snow

Students playing snowball fights after dinner

Before our fights started…lolz

They forced me into coming out of the room and play outside although I didn’t want to. Lolz ‘good’ friends aren’t they

After the fights…

I don’t know if you guys can see the falling snow..This was taken when we came back from town

lol snow was falling on my head. Still wanted to take picture.

This was taken in town where it didn’t snow.. but it drizzled.. felt like Ice.. unlike the rain in kk.. ow I miss the rain back in kk!

Diesel shoes and DKNY sandals. Are they nice?

What do you do when you eat the same food every week? Every week you see the same menu..Everyday of the week you would somehow have a general idea of what you’re gonna eat for the day.. I am already missing the food back home.. and the condition I’m going through here makes me miss home food MORE! I need sabahan food badly.. like seriously….

So what I normally do here.. is when I really don’t feel like having the food provided here.. I would eat instant noodles in the room… Maggi never tasted so good.. lolz…. and do you guys know how sardines actually taste so nice? LOLZ… back in Sabah I would only eat sardine like once in few months’ time…that is if there’s no other food to eat at home.. and I would only eat a bit of it cause it’s very salty.. over salty… but since I’ve been here.. sardines never tasted so good… huhuhuhu

Anyway… I’m sticking to instant noodles… and my Dearest sister Cindy… apart from these 2 noodles I am about to post here… the other things that I would need from you.. I will email or sms you ok? hehehehe dun worry… I will remember your good deeds ok sister dearest.. lolz… will get you something nice here… muaks…

Oh people… there’s this one Korean noodle here.. it’s very nice…VERY NICE! Maggi, IndoMee semua pun kalah! there are korean shops in KK right? try try try this one yea.. recommended by JiHee and has fallen in love with it ever since! (sister dearest.. if.. IF..IF it’s not troublesome..can u find this noodle in kk? It could be cheaper? )

Korean Noodle on my study desk. Try to find this k Cindy dun get mistaken by the cover.. only this one is nice..muaks muaks sis!

The Har Mee instant noodle… malaysian product… Can you find this for me as well? lolz love u sis.. hahaha

Been in and out of love so many times… whenever u get into a new relationship… you want things to be better…better than before.. so you give your best so that your other half will get the best.. you tend not to think about the past,not to compare.. But what happens if.. the person you are with now, did something that is reminding you of what happened before? things that you are scared of.. hm.. just for thoughts…don’t want trouble anymore…so here it is people… just enjoy the song….The Trouble With Love is..

Love can be a many splendid thing
Has another joy you bring
A dozen roses
Diamond rings
Dreams for sale
And fairy tales
It’ll make you hear a symphony
And you’ll just want the world to see
But like a drunk that makes you blind
It’ll fool you every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
Gets stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was just a once a fool it’s true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world’s a deeper blue
I’m sadder but I’m wiser too
I swore I’d never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn’t worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
Gets stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I’ve got it all
My heart keeps callin
And I keep on fallin
Over and over again
This set story always ends the same
Me standin in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is (the trouble with love)
It can tear you up inside (it can tear you up in side)
Make your heart believe a lie (Make your heart believe a lie)
Gets stronger then your pride
(The trouble with love is) See your heart its in your soul
(It doesn’t care how fast you fall) You wont remember control (?)
(And you can’t refuse the call)
See you’ve got no say at all
The trouble with love is (Oooo….ya)
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie (the trouble with love..)

Taking this chance to wish everybody a Happy Easter… Especially to my family and friends back home… I got up today feeling blue because of a thousand reasons…part of it receiving a call from daddy… and they just got back from church for Good Friday.. sigh.. I am here and yet there’s no masses being held here….hmmm…This Easter I wont be able to go for church…will be stuck in school doing my individual reports and group project… so much for Easter Break.. Hmmm

Waking up….JiHee told me that it’s snowing AGAIN…I looked outside the window, snow is falling… No wonder I got up in the middle of the night…Had a nosebleed again.. and had to wear more clothes…I always wished for White Christmases.. but after seeing so much snow… I don’t know if i actually adore snow that much anymore… hmm..

Thanks Dad for calling in the morning… It made me feel better… Love everybody back home..muaks… HAPPY EASTER!

Glitterfy.com – Glitter Graphics

Glitterfy.com – Glitter Graphics

Was sitting at the bar the other night,having some drinks to get me to sleep…whilst doing nothing.. this song came up since the night was still early… what caught my attention was her voice and the lyrics of the song.. it made me turn around to look at the t.v screen..Leona Lewis..this babe’s gorgeous and she’s only 22…I read some articles on her..seems that she won the X-factor or something…n is mentored by Simon Cowell.. so she must be good…knowing the fact that Mr Cowell is always so hard with his criticism. I couldn’t post up the original Video here.. but found her performance on my favorite tv show..The Oprah Winfrey show…hehehehe…Enjoy the lyrics… I love the song… meaningful…“Bleeding Love”

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothings greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Although it’s still the 16th here.. but I know back in KK it’s already the 17th of march.. Birthdays are supposed to be celebrated…but for this case.. It’s a little bit different… I would like to wish my late best friend, Azlan..a Happy Birthday… even though he’s not around anymore… but memories of him will stay with me..forever….

One of my regrets in life for now is that losing him as a friend… I would think and think.. why did we ever go through that argument? that fight? because of something that’s not worth it? totally not worth it? Why didn’t we as friends, fought for our rights to remain as friends? why? Getting the news of his passing really got to me… It happened about a month before I left kk… I told myself that I would visit his grave before I came here… but I couldn’t get myself into doing it… I guess I still couldn’t accept the fact by then… When I get back to KK… I would visit him then…

On this special day… It made me think of our happy times together… us friends hanging out together… During the Stamford College days… Wan(azlan), Pare(francis) & I used to hang out like every single day… we would go play pool after class with the others like Zhawn, Elvin, Marina, Azrul..just to name a few.. Then the 3 of us would head back to Wan’s house… and I would just watch him and Pare play NBA… for HOURS… and when I requested for other games to be played.. they would just ignore me,even if I threw a tantrum..lolz.. sheesh… and I remember us hanging out in his room.. then his air con broke down… we had nowhere to go..so we still gila2 bodoh2 stayed in his room..all sweating2.. hahahaha sigh.. those were the days…

The famous description of me,made by Wan was.. ‘ hey, you’re a guy stuck in a girl’s body’ … He would tell everybody this…I can never forget this sentence… Deeply missing you… You will forever remain within me… R.I.P…..

took this from his FS.. I noticed that I deleted pictures of him in my phone ever since the argument happened… sigh.. Never remembered him with this look.. seemed so weird..

This is how I remember him as…with the long hair that I would always tease on

In Wan’s room, Pare’s playing NBA and I was just there bored..we were waiting for Wan to come back if I’m not mistaken..

Silly Pare & I. during our ‘reunion-get-together’…

Azrul & I

Elvin & Marina.. the loving couple…

Since I’ve been here… I have been missing the food back home so so so much…The school would organize special -themed food on every Thursday. So far.. they’ve had Swiss food.. Indian Food..etc…so far… no kadazan food! hahaha joke! sigh i really miss all the food back home..arghhh!! the food I especially miss are.. Chukiok!!! (cooked by daddy! although he hasn’t cooked that for ages now..)..Bak kut teh~~~Tg.Aru kon lau mien~~~Wan Wan Noodle soup~~ Hiltop TomYam! sigh..just to name a few..Anyway… thought of posting this up just to release my ‘tension’ of missing the food badly…

Bak Kut Teh!!!!!!!!!! Gonna Ask mummy to send the spices packet here..so I can cook bak kut teh here.. huhuhu

chinese chicken/pork jerky…. arghhhh

ohhhhh crabbbbbbb…..the sauce……aohhhhhhhhhh

DURIAN!!!! pleaseeee gimme durian~~

Nasi lemak yoooOOOooooo

Sweet corn soup…

cha sao paoooooo

Steamboat…alalalala… tomyam soup..or chicken soup? aaaaaa

But of all… I couldn’t find a nice chukiok picture! aaaa i miss chukiok and bak kut teh the most~~~ Do you guys think that anyone here would know how to cook chukiok? sigh…..

To all my girls back home… other than Reynie and MeiHsing.. I have not heard from the rest lately… other than that day… when my super jiwang mode was on… Everybody received my sms right? Daughter Ping wanted to call but couldn’t get through me… And Reynie complained last night that she called me a billion times the nite before but couldn’t get through.. (actually 10 times only la kan.. hehe dats what u said,reynie)… Seriously couldn’t get through my phone kah? damn!! hm.. then how come my father cud get thru me? even Adamz..using skype… could get through me? OH REYNIE!!! u lied! hahahaha JJ!!!!! but anyway.. I hope one fine day we could all conference at a time…. Did that wit alicia and MeiHsing the other day… Hopefully get to do it with all the girls.. really missing all of you… MUAKS….

My mirror MeiHsing & I

‘Daughter Ping’ & I—> haha we didn’t wanna include the girl at the background so from the camera..just drew those hearts all over her..lolz

Don’t kill me for this babes. This is only one of the gazillions pictures you took of yourself in my camera. Can’t blame me for posting this up. hahahahaha U always make my day!

WanYee & I muaks!

Buddy sis & I!

my crazy ‘2nd daugther’ lolz. Please excuse the Tiger Bottle.. It wasn’t supposed to be there

Mummy dearest finally replied today… But I couldn’t reply straight away… due to some problems… Anyways am really happy hearing from her… her sms went like this :

‘Miss you also my extravagant youngest daughter…just kidding ha ha… (EXTRAVAGANT? notice the way she laughs? HA HA? hahaha) You don’t have easter there? It is Palm Sunday this coming Sunday. You know Julian is attending chinese tuition next door, I have yet to hear a single chinese word from him after 4 years. It was such a bad flood last Tuesday in our house that a part of our fence broke apart and uncle is prepared to help us make a new house. What do you think? Bye for now. Study smart k. Julian sends his regards to you. Love, Mom

LOVE YOU MOM!!! MUAKS!