Met the Limadanglians a couple of days back and had a good chat…mostly about Ben’s incident with some friends… Won’t be babbling about it here as everything had been released in Ben’s blog instead Anyway, Ben reminded me that I hadn’t updated my blog for 7 months now… sorry lovely blog~ You’ve been neglected for wayyYyyyYyy too long…

I am in a very down mood right now.. A lot of things that have happened totally changed my view towards life..So much in me but I didn’t have the courage to blurt everything out..till now. Actually didnt want to touch this topic on ‘friendship’, but when Benny brought up the topic…I just had to say what’s been bothering me…

Shit happens. Thats what I would normally say when things have gone bad. In some ways, saying that would actually comfort myself.  Well, recently, the friend that had been by my side for nearly a decade now, the friend whom I cherished throughout the years have hurt me in the most unexpected way. When it happened, eventhough I said to myself ’shit happens elaine.. just get through it’.. I just couldn’t get myself back into 1 piece..

Friends are everywhere. I have many friends. I have friends from all over the place. But true friends? How many true friends could one have? I do realise that I am still young, that there’s so many things awaiting me in the future…A bad incident now should teach me to be a better person for my own good. Throughout these years, I have had friends who ‘back-stabbed’ me for so many times and some r still friends and some we’ve parted our own ways… Having gone through that, I thought that this very bestie that has been by my side for a decade now would be the one who understands me most. I thought she would be the one who would back me up if things went wrong…yes She’s been there…She’s been there for me, she’s been there for me whether it was good or bad..she was there… But what happened recently really broke my heart…

To you..

I don’t know if I could tell you this face to face and that’s why I’m letting it all out here..

How could you? Of all the people in my life, you? The friend that I cherished and trusted most? I love you so much you do know that. It broke my heart the moment I found out that all those time that I was trying to find out about the truth, it was you all along. When people mentioned your name, sayin that you could be the one who would spread out the news, I backed you up. I BACKED YOU UP. You know why? Coz that’s how much I trusted you. Every single day that I called you and talked to you about the incident, you listened patiently. When I mentioned about whom I suspected, you acted innocently. Why didn’t u just be honest with me back then?!?!!? Why wait until matters have become this big?! Girl, if it hadn’t for him to have forced situations into making you tell me the truth, could I ask you this now? Until when were you going to deceive me? Until when were you gonna make me the most idiotic person ever lived? Because I trusted you so much, because I was so blinded by the trust that I have towards you, relationships between me and other good friends have turned sour. Do you know how humiliated I felt? I was so humiliated towards them that I felt like kneeling down and say sorry for even having those thoughts about them. And you? All you could say was.. sorry..sorry cause you didn’t mean for it to happen. Girl, I am totally devastated. I truly am. All those while, ALL THOSE WHILE! Anytime of the day.. ANYTIME..A-N-Y-T-I-M-E!!!!!!! Anytime you could have confessed to me. It hurt me when you said that you didn’t have the guts to open up to me, and that you didn’t have the guts to confess about it. Between you and I…has there been any secrets before?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!? We’re so close! Even embarrassing moments pun we could share with each other… But why this??!?!?! You said you didn’t have the guts to?!?!?! I thought you knew me best! Why did u wait until matters had gotten this big? You hurt me in so many ways, do you realise that? I feel hurt, I feel embarrased, I feel lonely…I feel useless.. You got me big time..thank you for that…

 I am not mad at you. I really am not. I am just utterly disappointed. Don’t think that I am mad at you. What’s past is past. I have let things go.. Things don’t really matter anymore to me..

Friends come and go..I used to tell myself, I have many friends but I should treasure the good friends that truly understands me.. Now, I tell myself, friends are friends…You may call them your good friends, your bestie..your close friends and so forth..But in the end… they are..still..”FRIENDS”… Not much of a change, the word FRIEND is still there. So my point of view on friends, they are simply…friends whom I would treasure. To me, there would be no difference in the level of the friendship one could have. Every friend should be treated the same respect. So from now on. I treasure every single friend that I have…cause they are all equal to me…in my life.

If I could let bygones be bygones and not be mad at you at all, now I could forgive those people that have hurt me before this too… The friend that has hurt both you and I last time, I will let her know that I am doing alright now, and that I do not hold any grudges towards her anymore. Its this much of me I’m letting go, letting go of the anger and sadness within me… Every friend is the same.. All of my friends are equal from this moment on…

Well guys, I feel so much better now.. My blog is the one place I could really say what I needed to say.. sigh… Enjoy this song by Thousand Foot Krutch called ‘WISH YOU WELL’